The Lost Art of Listening

Hello to my weekend readers, I appreciate your support. This weekend has me not only musing on the topic of listening but also fuming. Why? Because people just won’t let you even finish a sentence; they won’t wait until a newscaster is done speaking and out comes their opinion and you never heard the whole story!

I get this because I can be so darn impatient and I want to jump in, but as I get older, I realize that wisdom works only when I shut my mouth and listen first. I am one who leads with their mouth instead of their ears, it comes easily but it really doesn’t work very well. In fact, it irritates others, and it irritates me! The Apostle James said it best in his Epistle, chapter 1:19-2, using the Message translation as it speaks so clearly:

Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. God’s righteousness doesn’t grow from human anger. So, throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life.

The infamous Albert Einstein, was well-known about when he should or shouldn’t speak, it was an endearing part of his eccentric personality. One of those times was at a banquet held in his honor at Swarthmore College, a prestigious college then and still today in Swarthmore, PA. Einstein loved this college and often took his violin to entertain the people while they were eating—he loved doing that and they loved him for it. So, you can imagine the hundreds of people from all over the country and overseas that came to hear him play and with great anticipation of what he would have to say.

The honors were doled out for his many accomplishments in physics, and then it was his time to speak. What did he say—nothing actually. The greatest physicist walked to the lectern, solemnly looked around, and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am very sorry, but right now I have nothing to say.” Then he sat down.

You can imagine the shock to the audience. They were whispering amongst themselves, and then he got up and walked back to the podium and said: “In case I have something to say, I will come back and say it.” Suffice it to say they gave him some laughter, and then a rousing applause. Did he come back – indeed, but it was SIX months later! Einstein wired his good friend, the president of the college, with the message: “Now I have something to say.” And of course, the college president obliged and they held another dinner. The speech?—it was considered one of the finest Einstein ever gave!

Another ‘ism’ from my dad was a funny one when we were all chattering at the same time, which, in my family is the norm. He would say “God gave us two ears and one mouth for the simple reason that we should listen to one voice at a time and then each one should speak, OK?” OK dad, we get it. Of course, it didn’t last long and dad would chime right in with the family’s cacophony!

But I think about this problem of listening because I do believe it is a huge part of how our relationships break down. No one likes to be “shut down” by a loud voice over them. It often makes one feel less-worthy or what they have to say isn’t important. You know how that feels. We see it often when the White House spokesperson is trying to convey something and the press just won’t shut-up, how annoying.

It’s funny but true—you never hear of someone sticking their foot in their ears, right? Yet, I think it’s more prevalent than we realize. We don’t want to hear what someone else says, it is our words that should be heard first. Again, we go back to the Scripture from James to remind ourselves that, when it comes to interacting with others—especially family, we need to do our best to listen before we speak.

In WWII one of the most important things was to listen and oh did our Navajo Code Talkers understand that! They would listen deeply before they uttered their “code language” because they wanted it to be heard succinctly in order for their words to make a difference for the Allied strategy. It worked! It drove the enemies nuts and gave the Allies the upper hand. Imagine if they just started sending out codes without sitting patiently to hear what the enemy was trying to do next—it wouldn’t have been a good outcome, that’s for sure.

There is a saying from the Greek philosopher, Diogenes, that says it all when it comes to listening: “We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less.” And it really is true that when we listen more often than speak, we find truth, meaning and a sense of peace and honor between one another. This is how we build more solid relationships and it will honor God as well. Imagine all the learning we’ve lost by not listening-ugh, AMEN!